Inter Racial Relationships

Inter Racial Relationships

Identify the signals of tricky situations ahead..

If you think that spending the rest of your life with someone that perhaps have repeatedly cheated on you, or is such a pain to live with because of undesirable behaviors, try topping it up by living it with someone who is from a different race, nationality, religion or language.

When it comes to matters of the heart, more often that not, we often succumb to our basic instincts of curiosity and the laws of attraction. We fail to make that calculated move, and that little voice inside our head's whispering;

"go on and ask her out 

or

"Just text her dammit! "

No harm in doing any of the above aye? But imagine this; fast forward 6 months ahead, you would definitely be in two different situations ; first one is, you're completely happy and thank your lucky stars that you made the first move to ask her on that first coffee date. 

Second situation, you're cursing and swearing that you're having constant fights with your partner of the slightest of reasons that tick the both of you off.

Congratulations if you're in the first situation. It's hard to pull it off, and that means, both you and your partner have agreed to work together and came to a mutual consensus on everything in your lives.

In this blog post, we're going to thrash it out with the latter situation - where you're having all those petty arguments, feeling of insecurity between one another, and you feel like ripping each others throats every time you have those fights. I can fairly say that I have gained experience from my relationship with a girl from a different nationality, language and culture so learn form my mistakes.

Basic Blocks of Every Relationship

Basic Block #1 - Respect

You can't go wrong if the both of you practice respect for one another. Don't read me wrong here, it's not about giving in when you're not in the wrong, no! I ain't telling you to stand down and swallow your pride. If you have to be firm with your partner for something wrong that he or she did, by all means do so, but do it with respect. The way you both handle delicate matters are really important.

For example;

If you're upset about something that he/she did, make sure you calm yourself first before heading in to solve the problem. Handle the situation with a clear head instead of a rage. Ask yourself this ; are you intending to solve the problem at hand, or make yourself more hurt? Or worse to exact revenge unto your partner? Make sure to have you and your partner are completely comfortable before you even begin approaching the problem at hand. I can't stress enough on the importance of this.

Basic Block #2 - Mutual Consensus

A Case Study

Let's reverse engineer a successful relationship shall we? How does a married couple like Thomas and Maya with decades under their belt manage to live peacefully together? Thomas, back in his younger days, was known to be a hot- headed person and easily gets jealous because of Maya's fraternization with people from the opposite sex. Now what Maya could do at that point of time can be broken down to three options:-

  • 1
    Totally stop contacting other guys friends of hers, and in all honesty, they were just friends
  • 2
    Accede to Thomas' request somehow to stop contacting her guy friends.
  • 3
    Break up with Thomas.

But what Maya did, was to introduce Thomas to her circle of friends and include him in. It was a win-win situation if you ask me. Gwen managed to save both her friendship and her relationship.

Maya on the other hand was a temperamental person in terms of household cleanliness. She was a neat person, and when she started living in with Thomas, her house was in a mess. Thomas, noticed that it was a problem with him, so he needed to make a change. He decided to take over some of the house chores that he never was familiar with before. That made the angry vibes in the house improve as a result.

It's never about a certain individual demanding from the other all the time, then it would never be a relationship, it would be a dictatorship! Understanding and coming to a mutual consensus where both are giving and taking equally is essential in a relationship.

Basic Block #3 - Understanding

What Molds A Person with That Unique Character

What made us into what we are today? Why is it that we make different choices compared to others when it comes to decision making? Let's cut an example again to make clear on our point; let's take dinner with a Malay family for an example. 

For us Malays, when we eventually come to the dinner table, there are many factors that come into play and they are;

Food choices. Such as choosing halal meat or ingredients for the meal prep. The Malays are generally Muslims, and we have to find Halal meat for consumption, and our food choices are influenced by rules of our religion. We believe that if we consume anything that is non-halal, we will fall into the category of sinners as they are not permissible in Islam.

Tradition. Back to the table setting,in the Malay culture, we're used to sitting on the floor to consume our meal and that gives us the nostalgic feeling of being in the company of family. Us Malays also use our hands to eat during meals instead of cutlery(with the exception of eating noodles of course) and before we start eating, we invite the rest of the people dining to eat as well. Funny as it may sound but, but hey, that is the point! This may seem funny to some of you, as much as it might seem odd to me when I see a Christian/Catholic family holding hands in a chain and saying grace before dinner!

Upbringing. From the time when we were young, we were taught to greet our parents whenever we come back from school, from work or from an outing. It's a sign of respect. And coming back home, we were always instructed to wash our feet as soon as possible. Weird, to me as well, but it's became my habit to do so till now.

Exposure. As we grow up, by venturing into social group of friends and venturing out into the working class, we get different views/practices/beliefs from our peers. Like myself(you can read about me here), I was from a Christian school for 11 years, and I had to cope with the liberalism that my friends had compared to what I had. 

That was a crash course on what the Malays are like in a household. Now ask yourself this, if you are not from the same race as I am, and want to get into a relationship with a Malay, look at the above points, and if you can understand what my family expectations are, and you can come to terms with our culture then by all means, go on ahead with the relationship. Remember that the prerequisite to acceptance is understanding. Understand your beau's way of life, and you will get to his/her heart, and her extended family's heart. 


Inter Racial Relationships, the sensitive aspects of it.

Culture

The culture of each race or religion differs from one another, there may be some similarities in it, but there are bound to be some disparities. And because of the culture of each person differs, the way they greet people, the way they eat, their way of socializing with others would present to you as an entirely new experience.

I'll draw my own experience for this sub-topic. I'm Malay and an ex-girlfriend of mine's a French, the little table below show the differences between our race, religion and practices.

Distinct Differences

The Malays

The French

Meeting & Greeting Others

Practice shaking of hands only with the same gender or family.

Cheek-to-cheek greetings

Culture of Dining

Traditionally use right hand to eat.

Similar to fine dining etiquette, prefers sweet food in the mornings and salty after 12pm.

Social Activity

Exercise restraint as they are not encouraged to fraternize inappropriately

Love to attend parties with alcohol involved till late nights.

Household Matters

The women are expected to take care of the house chores(cooking, cleaning & laundry)

The French believe in having a fair share of the household workload between couples.

As you can see from the table above, there are different expectations from the Malays and the French. Their cultures and roots of tradition stem deeply in their way of life. And trying to force the other into your way will never bode well for either.

I believe strongly in meeting halfway and reaching a mutual consensus which would be fair. Talk it out with your partner, and try to come to an acceptable solution.

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Pak Nasir

Pak Nasir

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