Inter Racial Relationships
Identify the signals of tricky situations ahead..
If you think that spending the rest of your life with someone that perhaps have repeatedly cheated on you, or is such a pain to live with because of undesirable behaviors, try topping it up by living it with someone who is from a different race, nationality, religion or language.
When it comes to matters of the heart, more often that not, we often succumb to our basic instincts of curiosity and the laws of attraction. We fail to make that calculated move, and that little voice inside our head's whispering;
"go on and ask her out "
"Just text her dammit! "
No harm in doing any of the above aye? But imagine this; fast forward 6 months ahead, you would definitely be in two different situations ; first one is, you're completely happy and thank your lucky stars that you made the first move to ask her on that first coffee date.
Second situation, you're cursing and swearing that you're having constant fights with your partner of the slightest of reasons that tick the both of you off.
Congratulations if you're in the first situation. It's hard to pull it off, and that means, both you and your partner have agreed to work together and came to a mutual consensus on everything in your lives.
In this blog post, we're going to thrash it out with the latter situation - where you're having all those petty arguments, feeling of insecurity between one another, and you feel like ripping each others throats every time you have those fights. I can fairly say that I have gained experience from my relationship with a girl from a different nationality, language and culture so learn form my mistakes.
Basic Blocks of Every Relationship
Basic Block #1 - Respect
You can't go wrong if the both of you practice respect for one another. Don't read me wrong here, it's not about giving in when you're not in the wrong, no! I ain't telling you to stand down and swallow your pride. If you have to be firm with your partner for something wrong that he or she did, by all means do so, but do it with respect. The way you both handle delicate matters are really important.
If you're upset about something that he/she did, make sure you calm yourself first before heading in to solve the problem. Handle the situation with a clear head instead of a rage. Ask yourself this ; are you intending to solve the problem at hand, or make yourself more hurt? Or worse to exact revenge unto your partner? Make sure to have you and your partner are completely comfortable before you even begin approaching the problem at hand. I can't stress enough on the importance of this.
Basic Block #2 - Understanding and Mutual Consensus
A Case Study
Let's reverse engineer a successful relationship shall we? How does a married couple like Thomas and Maya with decades under their belt manage to live peacefully together? Thomas, back in his younger days, was known to be a hot- headed person and easily gets jealous because of Maya's fraternization with people from the opposite sex. Now what Maya could do at that point of time can be broken down to three options:-
1) Totally stop contacting other guys friends of hers, and in all honesty, they were just friends.
2) Accede to Thomas' request somehow to stop contacting her guy friends.
3) Break up with Thomas.
But what Maya did, was to introduce Thomas to her circle of friends and include him in. It was a win-win situation if you ask me. Gwen managed to save both her friendship and her relationship.
Maya on the other hand was a temperamental person in terms of household cleanliness. She was a neat person, and when she started living in with Thomas, her house was in a mess. Thomas, noticed that it was a problem with him, so he needed to make a change. He decided to take over some of the house chores that he never was familiar with before. That made the angry vibes in the house improve as a result.
It's never about a certain individual demanding from the other all the time, then it would never be a relationship, it would be a dictatorship! Understanding and coming to a mutual consensus where both are giving and taking equally is essential in a relationship.
Inter Racial Relationships, the sensitive aspects of it.
The culture of each race or religion differs from one another, there may be some similarities in it, but there are bound to be some disparities. And because of the culture of each person differs, the way they greet people, the way they eat, their way of socializing with others would present to you as an entirely new experience.
I'll draw my own experience for this sub-topic. I'm Malay and an ex-girlfriend of mine's a French, the little table below show the differences between our race, religion and practices.
Meeting & Greeting Others
Practice shaking of hands only with the same gender or family.
Culture of Dining
Traditionally use right hand to eat.
Similar to fine dining etiquette, prefers sweet food in the mornings and salty after 12pm.
Exercise restraint as they are not encouraged to fraternize inappropriately
Love to attend parties with alcohol involved till late nights.
The women are expected to take care of the house chores(cooking, cleaning & laundry)
The French believe in having a fair share of the household workload between couples.
As you can see from the table above, there are different expectations from the Malays and the French. Their cultures and roots of tradition stem deeply in their way of life. And trying to force the other into your way will never bode well for either. I believe strongly in meeting halfway and reaching a mutual consensus which would be fair. Talk it out with your partner and talk about it.